Stay warm like the inside of a mother kangaroo's pouch

     Hey guys. First off, I just want to say, I’m craving brownies, if you’re making brownies bring em by 423 and I’d love to eat them for you. Secondly it’s freezing. Like if you chew peppermint gum and walk outside after class your throat will literally die because instead of it being all warm and throat like, it will turn into ice and you’ll never talk again.

    Which is a great Segway into what I’m writing about today. Dressing for success. I bet you’re thinking “Been there read that!” No. You haven’t. Not this version. Usually dressing for success entails button up and slacks, a nice tie maybe. But let me tell you, after three years of living in a place where from October to April warmth forsakes the land and the winter curse from Narnia is real, dressing for success is different. It means, dressing so that after you walk across campus in ten degree weather, you still have most of your face and probably have only lost one toe.

      Here’s the first step, accurately being able to determine if it’s cold or not. In the morning when you look out the window, you will see the sun. DON’T BE FOOLED. It’s the evil Winter God of Spokane trying to trick you into sacrificing more of your fingers and toes to him and possibly your first born. Examine the cars carefully, and the grass, you’ll notice a light layer of frost, or even better, you’ll touch the window and ice burn your fingerprint off. (I think those might grow back, I’m not sure). If you’re not sure throw an extra layer on anyways.

     After you have determined it’s cold, it’s time for business. Layer. Layer like you’re an eight-tiered cake with extra fluffiness. First, put on whatever outfit you’ve chosen for the day. Then you want to add an extra pair of socks, a jacket, a vest, a scarf, a hat and probably another jacket under your vest just to be safe. Nobody said the life of being warm was easy. You’re laughing I can tell. But when I look around campus do I see a bunch of warm eight-tiered cakes walking around? NO! I most certainly do not! I see a bunch of winter God worshipping people with only some light jacket and jeans on. I’ll I’m saying is that you’re going to be a whole lot less attractive when you lose one of your appendages. If you can layer fashionably, good for you! If you’re like me and can’t, it’s alright we can all try out for the role of Randy on a Christmas Story together.

     It’s okay to not look slim in all of your layers, layers weren’t meant to be slim! They were meant to be big and puffy so that a) you stay warm and b) when you fall because you’re a clumsy person (No? Just me? Well alright then) they dual as a big soft pillow to catch you like a soft unicorn might if you fell of a cloud of rainbows. 

     So throw some clothes on, yes you’ll burn more calories if your shivering for the entire fifteen minute walk across campus, yes you’ll look slimmer, but you won’t be warm. Also just want to say here, if all people wear layers, then we don’t have to worry about looking more or less slim then other people. It’ll be like we lost the HD setting on the television and all of us reverted to puffballs and I’ll finally revert back to being just unfashionable rather than puffy and unfashionable.

Stay warm this season Gonzaga (and everyone), keep your toes and layer up.

Ems