The Real Story of Western Civilization - Part I

The Paleolithic people were just wandering around hunting some things and gathering some other things and then some genius was like "whazzup AGRICULTURE" and they settled down to grow some nice lil crops on the banks of the Euphrates. Unfortunately for the Neolithic bros, rivers flood, so they liked to wander around shaking their fists at the sky and accusing the gods of hating them. Thus began religion, ta-da. Soooo then some upstart Akkadians started amassing goods and killed some people, but no worries, King Hammurabi of Babylon didn't have a big army but he DID have a big brain, so he started sprinkling rumors here and there. He went to his neighbors to the north and was like, "Broski, I hear that tool Sargon of the Akkadians is gonna be totally uncool and hit you up with some bronze weapons, yo." And then he went to his neighbors to the south and was like, "Homeslice, Sargon is comin in like a wrecking-ball, if ya know what I mean," and all his neighbors were like "I don't wanna get wrecked yo, thanks for having my back" and went to wage some war on the Akkadians while Hammurabi sat back and wrote his famous and ridiculously long code, which some poor dude had to carve into a rock. I bet that took forever, or at least until the Israelites came in and were like "whazzup MONOTHEISM keep your angry gods for yoself!" But that story is for another time. P.S. Shhhh, I haven't been studying for too long.....

FINALS

Finals Part 1
Happy Finals everyone. As we approach our impending doom, let us all take a moment to publicly acknowledge that we hope there's a curve....and that we're at the top of it and everyone else is at the bottom.
We all know the result of this week, death. (You thought I was going to say grades huh? No it's death, it doesn't matter if you pass or fail after a week of exams you're dead) It started the weekend before (Not for me mom, I started studying last month) putting together study guides and finishing projects. Sunday night finally rolled around and you're first exam was in the morning. You thought, I'll be done studying by nine! Well it reaches a certain point where you realize it's just not going to happen, so you give up, get a snack and keep plugging. (A healthy snack of course, unless you're me, in that case you literally start chugging chocolate milk and popping buncha crunch) Now, here are some of the necessaries and rituals of studying every college student MUST preform in order to study well.
1. Check Facebook, you never know what could be happening in the world or if somebody just got engaged or something. (Side note on this one, you should check it every five minutes because obviously things change fast)

2. After checking your Facebook, locate your comfy clothes and put these on. Obviously you need to be extremely comfortable while studying.

3. Snacks and beverages! You really don't know how long you'll be sitting here, best be prepared with proper sustenance and hydration in case it's a really long time.

4. Check your email, you probably should've checked this first if you were checking anything because this is where the actual important stuff is. At this point we're all stalling.

5. Check Facebook....again... just in case.

6. Pandora station, gotta make sure to get that study groove on.

7. Prepare your work area and stare at your book a bit. I mean, what's the meaning of life? Why think about math, biology, or marketing just yet? We should be pondering the deeper meanings of the universe at this point obviously.

8. Check Facebook, read every article you come across while on too. Gotta make sure we're educated.

9. Actually start studying. Once you get here you should be fine for about another thirty minutes before you need to check Facebook again.

Finals part 2
So great! You've spent the night studying, congratulations, now it's test time. This is generally how I feel about tests and test taking.

1. "Ohnononononononononononononono" (sometimes an expletive but I would get in trouble if I wrote any of that here. Yes by my mother, whom by the way is super cool.)

2. "Alright Em, you got this, you totally got this. You studied and everything. You've got this"

3. "What is this? Chinese?"

4. "This isn't good. Nope, this is bad. Badbadbadbadbad."

5. "This isn't so bad, I know what I'm talking about."

6. "Just kidding I have no idea what I'm talking about."

7. "True or False, fifty/fifty shot, the last three have been true.... alright it's gotta be false"

8. "What is the professor even thinking? He just stands there. Staring at us. Probably deciding who he should just fail right now"

9. "Almost done, check your answers." "I don't want to" "Stop arguing with yourself and do it."

10. "DONE"

11. "That person did not have the same pattern of answers I did on my bubble sheet."

12. "Please say I didn't fail. Pleasepleaseplease?"

So no worries if you freak a little about finals, I'm on your side. But we've got this, a few more long nights and a few hours of testing it'll be great. Just great. I'll be waiting for you all in a corner, crying. What? No. Sorry holding our heads high in victory. Persevere comrades.

Much love,

Em

Stay warm like the inside of a mother kangaroo's pouch

     Hey guys. First off, I just want to say, I’m craving brownies, if you’re making brownies bring em by 423 and I’d love to eat them for you. Secondly it’s freezing. Like if you chew peppermint gum and walk outside after class your throat will literally die because instead of it being all warm and throat like, it will turn into ice and you’ll never talk again.

    Which is a great Segway into what I’m writing about today. Dressing for success. I bet you’re thinking “Been there read that!” No. You haven’t. Not this version. Usually dressing for success entails button up and slacks, a nice tie maybe. But let me tell you, after three years of living in a place where from October to April warmth forsakes the land and the winter curse from Narnia is real, dressing for success is different. It means, dressing so that after you walk across campus in ten degree weather, you still have most of your face and probably have only lost one toe.

      Here’s the first step, accurately being able to determine if it’s cold or not. In the morning when you look out the window, you will see the sun. DON’T BE FOOLED. It’s the evil Winter God of Spokane trying to trick you into sacrificing more of your fingers and toes to him and possibly your first born. Examine the cars carefully, and the grass, you’ll notice a light layer of frost, or even better, you’ll touch the window and ice burn your fingerprint off. (I think those might grow back, I’m not sure). If you’re not sure throw an extra layer on anyways.

     After you have determined it’s cold, it’s time for business. Layer. Layer like you’re an eight-tiered cake with extra fluffiness. First, put on whatever outfit you’ve chosen for the day. Then you want to add an extra pair of socks, a jacket, a vest, a scarf, a hat and probably another jacket under your vest just to be safe. Nobody said the life of being warm was easy. You’re laughing I can tell. But when I look around campus do I see a bunch of warm eight-tiered cakes walking around? NO! I most certainly do not! I see a bunch of winter God worshipping people with only some light jacket and jeans on. I’ll I’m saying is that you’re going to be a whole lot less attractive when you lose one of your appendages. If you can layer fashionably, good for you! If you’re like me and can’t, it’s alright we can all try out for the role of Randy on a Christmas Story together.

     It’s okay to not look slim in all of your layers, layers weren’t meant to be slim! They were meant to be big and puffy so that a) you stay warm and b) when you fall because you’re a clumsy person (No? Just me? Well alright then) they dual as a big soft pillow to catch you like a soft unicorn might if you fell of a cloud of rainbows. 

     So throw some clothes on, yes you’ll burn more calories if your shivering for the entire fifteen minute walk across campus, yes you’ll look slimmer, but you won’t be warm. Also just want to say here, if all people wear layers, then we don’t have to worry about looking more or less slim then other people. It’ll be like we lost the HD setting on the television and all of us reverted to puffballs and I’ll finally revert back to being just unfashionable rather than puffy and unfashionable.

Stay warm this season Gonzaga (and everyone), keep your toes and layer up.

Ems    

We have ARRIVED

So. We’ve been wanting to write this blog for a while, the whole semester in fact. Better late than never! (Don't worry mom(s?) we're being perfectly safe, no wild pictures or anything! If employers are reading this like everyone says they do these days, we're all very hirable people, very likable) You'll find great posts from the three of us (Savannah, Maria and Emily!) and some even better videos (Again, we're being totally safe here, no Miley Cyrus wrecking ball scenes, mostly because we don't have a wrecking ball.) We have a lot of stories from this past semester, and a lot more stories for next semester so we're glad you're here (We know it's mostly because you're procrastinating on whatever assignment you have but still, we're excited to share our stories with you because we like to think we're important) so read on fellow human being that share this planet! (Unless you don't live on this planet, but you're welcome to read on too) Enjoy our adventures from 423.

Much love,

423